Forward.

First of all, let me just start off by saying this:

I adore Cloud.

It may not seem like it, but I really do. I honestly do believe that Cloud is one of the greatest fictional characters created of all time, and I give him special merit for being a video game character, especially when video games at the time weren't taken very seriously.

However, I don't think that I like him for the same reason everyone else does.

Now, let's see. Ever since the game came out eleven years ago, I've noticed some kind of pattern going on with "die-hard" Final Fantasy VII fans.

They really have no fucking idea what the game is really about.

By these people, I mean the fanboys who claim to be the series' greatest benefactors. You all know one. Or two. Or hell, probably a whole flock of them. No other kind of fanboy/girl pisses me off more than one who doesn't take Final Fantasy VII seriously and doesn't appreciate its plot. I may sound like a loser as I say this, but fuck you. No, really I may sound like a loser, but the game to me is pretty much like reading a book: most RPGs are. Anyway, I hate talking to people about FFVII and why it's the best game ever. It always goes like this:

PN: Yeah, I love FFVII. It's my favorite game!
Fanboy: YEAH IT'S SO COOL
PN: Who's your favorite character?
Fanboy: SEPHIROTH
PN: Really? Why?
Fanboy: CUZ HE'S FUCKIN BADASS MAN
PN: Yeah, I thought it was really cool how he spent the entire game fucking with Cloud's head.
Fanboy: ...HUH?

I want to see someone try to fucking argue with me that that did not happen once in the game. Sephiroth did not mentally manipulate Cloud to carry out the destruction of the world for him. Not at all, right? We all agree that it did, then? And the so-called FFVII fanboys just don't pay attention to anything but their chubby dicks between their hands and the control pad? Good. Continuing from there.

The same goes for anyone that's into FFVII, even the more... *ahem* educated folk I meet here on the internet. It's occurred to me that a lot of people don't like it when things in fictional storylines don't turn out for the better, so they try to justify everything and make it seem like it'll all be okay. Which is fine; I mean that's what the ending to the game gives us hope for, right?

But is everything okay with Cloud?

In my observation, Cloud's traumatic life has left marks that require more than just saving the world to heal. In fact, saving the world probably didn't help much. Most people tend to believe that Cloud saved the world to save his friends and the people he cares about, but you guys forget: Cloud doesn't really have anybody. You might say, "Oh he has Tifa!" but you also forget that Tifa didn't give two shits about Cloud when they were growing up; I'm guessing it's her guilt or instant coochie attraction that made her want to take care of him when she found him at the train station. Gotta be one or the other; I'm betting on a mixture of both, maybe. He might have found comfort in the fact that he even had friends after Zack pretty much being the only friend he ever made in his life, but at that point, Cloud really had no clue who he was--even when he came to terms with himself in the Lifestream and admitted to not really being who he said he was, I highly doubt that that solves every question about his identity that he might harbor.

About the Tifa thing: Does he care about her? I think so, in kind of a way where he feels like he has to because he at one point had a crush on her. But inbetween her rejecting him as a child, the humiliation of never making it into SOLDIER to impress her, falling in love with Aeris and then the Crisis of the Goddamn Planet, I don't think Cloud has room in his heart for anyone. If I HAD to comment on Advent Children (ugh) then it would seem to me that Cloud isolated himself from Tifa and the others so that he could collect himself and heal on his own without anyone--Tifa--trying to burden him with giving a damn about anyone else. Verstehen Sie mich?

By the way, honestly, fuck Advent Children; fuck Square trying to go back and make everyone look normal and happy and good. (Bastards ruined my Rufus.) I really don't follow that storyline at all and disregard nearly everything in it. It's all as good as fanon to me. Aside from Kiki/Beni Fujiwara doujin (which are fucking awesome), you won't hear me reference AC a lot here. ...at least, positively.

So in other words, no, I really don't buy the Cloud Loves Everybody and Just Needs Time and He'll Marry Tifa and Settle Down One Day gig. I don't doubt that Cloud has the capacity to give a damn; he just ain't there yet. I also don't believe that anything could ever form between he and Tifa; too much shit went down between them that, unfortunately for the poor tig-bittied girl, wouldn't allow it to work out. Honestly? I think Cloud would either kill himself or die alone, a wanderer.

Now. This Cum Drenched Mako Slut thing?

Thought you'd never ask.

Where some people enjoy the idea of sweet, good-but-rough-around-the-edges Cloud, I enjoy his inverted spectre: the Easily Manipulated, Easily Taken Advantage Of Cloud.

I played the game when I was eight, and couldn't help but notice that there was something terribly sexual about the Reunion scene: it's discovered that Cloud ran the group on a wild goose-chase to find Sephiroth and save the world, but he ended up acting as his agent several times; in fact, you learn that it wasn't of his own free will that drew him to the Northern Crater, but his connection to Sephiroth: Jenova cells. In this particular scene, Cloud hands the black materia over to a naked Sephiroth in a crystal.

... Okay, you faggots might be all like "Uh. That doesn't mean anything," but think outside of the box. I'm not saying it was gay and I'm not jumping up and down pointing at the FMV going "YAOI YAOI YAOI OOH OOH." But there is something extremely sexual about Sephiroth's hold over Cloud, and to me, it materialized in that scene.

If you've ever read Kiki/Beni Fujiwara circle's FFVII doujinshi, you'll understand more what I'm talking about. Kiki's doujin likes to emphasize that role that Sephiroth plays in Cloud's mind--the ever present fear of being controlled, the metaphor of Cloud and Sephiroth face to face at the end of the game, and Cloud casting Sephiroth out of his mind forever. Now, the scene in the game was supposed to symbolize that Sephiroth could no longer control Cloud, but Square wanted to re-open that fucking can of worms, so the gloves are off. Most of Kiki's doujin takes place during AC, in which Cloud, weakened by Geostigma, constantly has to combat (both sexually and physically) some kind of "residue" of Sephiroth--whether it's a physical manifestation or his head playing games with him varies per story, but it's all pretty much the same idea: Sephiroth has control of Cloud's mind and body, and there's nothing he can do about it.

You might think I'm strange or something, but I happen to think that Cloud is extremely hot as a vulnerable, weak little shit. Sure he saved the world, but he can't seem to really save him from himself, can he? Cloud, if you realize during the game, really is pathetic--up until his last stance of bravery to face Sephiroth. He was too shy to really approach Tifa, he couldn't make it into SOLDIER, Zack took care of him when he was out of commission--which seems to happen a lot--and later, so did Tifa. Twice. My idea of Cloud is really the guy who has no idea who he is or where he's at, and is going through the tormenting process of trying to find out--which most definately results in people taking advantage of him.